Can My Dog Play With Yours? Understanding Canine Social Behavior

Dogs do need to know how to interact safely with others, and we can help teach them. photo: AdobeStock

We all want our dogs to get along with others. Whether it’s for a trip to the dog park or a simple on-leash walk, social behavior is a top concern for many dog owners. But the reality is, not all dogs like all other dogs—and that’s perfectly normal.

We often take puppies from their mothers at around eight weeks of age, specifically to bond with humans and adjust to life in our world. It can be confusing then to throw them back into a canine group later in life and expect seamless interactions with unfamiliar dogs, some of which may have questionable social skills. 

While this isn’t always a wise move, dogs do need to know how to interact safely with others. So how can we help teach them?

Understanding Canine Social Behavior

Most puppies are eager to meet and play with other dogs. Some of them—often depending on their breed—retain a lifelong friendliness. But many dogs become more selective as they grow, especially after they reach social maturity, usually around age two. Like humans, they begin to choose their friends more carefully.

Some adult dogs simply do not enjoy meeting unknown dogs. They bond closely with their existing social circle and may view outsiders with suspicion or see them as a threat. Some prefer a slow, careful introduction. Others don’t want any new relationships at all.

These preferences are natural and should be respected.

Why Some Dogs Seem “Rude”

Dog-to-dog greetings are complex and primarily nonverbal. In ideal circumstances, dogs would learn proper interaction skills from experienced adult dogs while growing up, including how to approach others respectfully. But many don’t receive this guidance.

As a result, a dog might charge another at full speed, bark nervously, or leap excitedly onto them. These behaviors can overwhelm or annoy the other dog, especially if they are older, shy, or less tolerant.

Recognizing Healthy Play

It’s our responsibility as dog owners to guide safe, polite interactions and defend our dogs from inappropriate behavior. But understanding canine play can be tricky. Generally, play is characterized by frequent role reversals, exaggerated movements, and “play bows,” where one or both dogs lower their front ends while keeping their rear ends raised.

Dogs might chase and then be chased. One may be pinned momentarily, only to turn the tables seconds later. Their body language is often bouncy, loose, and includes pauses or “freezes” between bursts of activity. 

Some dogs are vocal when playing, others are quiet, and different breeds and breed mixes often have distinct play styles. For example, herding dogs might try to control by nipping or staring;  sporting dogs – like Labs or Goldens – are often physical and joyful and unaware; and bully type dogs can be very excitable and lose themselves in play.  These differences may lead to miscommunication and conflict when play styles don’t match.

When Play Becomes a Problem

A common misconception is that the dog who growls or snaps is “the bad one.” In reality, this isn’t always true.

What if a stranger walked up and hugged you without warning? You might protest or pull away. Dogs often react the same way when an unfamiliar dog gets too close or plays too roughly. A growl or snap can be a warning - a way to say “Back off!” - not necessarily an unprovoked attack. 

Learning to read the nuances of canine communication can help avoid misunderstandings and prevent unfair labels for dogs who are merely setting boundaries.

Setting Dogs Up for Success

Here are a few guidelines to help your dog develop good social skills. 

• Start early. Socialize puppies gently and gradually with neutral, well-behaved dogs. 

• Avoid overwhelming environments. Busy dog parks may be too unpredictable, especially for dogs unfamiliar with group dynamics.

• Supervise interactions. Pay attention to body language and step in if play becomes too rough or one-sided.

• Match play styles. Try to pair your dog with other dogs who have similar energy levels and communication styles.

• Watch for overarousal. Some dogs may get overly excited and lose control of their behavior, which can quickly turn play into conflict.

• Respect your dog’s preferences. If your dog doesn’t enjoy socializing with unfamiliar dogs, that’s okay. Focus instead on smaller playdates or activities you both enjoy.
  

Understand Your Dog as an Individual

Not all dogs want - or need - to be social butterflies. While it’s healthy for most dogs to learn how to interact respectfully with their own species, that doesn’t mean forcing friendships with every dog they meet.

Our dogs rely on us to advocate for them, whether that means introducing a new friend or protecting them from an unwanted one. Understanding your dog as an individual, reading their body language, and setting up safe, appropriate experiences will go a long way to ensuring successful and respectful interactions.